Fiona: When someone shows you who they are, believe them

Fiona’s profile was just two sentences, but her actions spoke volumes.

When I first met her, I was excited. She was an INFP — close enough to my Magnetic Match, the INFJ, but without all the drama that comes with the “J.” At least, that’s what I thought.

But with the “P” comes unpredictability. And I got a crash course in that right away.

The wrong text

On the eve of our coffee date, I sent her a text to confirm. But in my haste, I accidentally pasted in a message that was meant for a friend — a message that mentioned two other women.

I was horrified. Embarrassed. The INTJ in me immediately started damage control. I texted Fiona:

“I’m embarrassed about that inadvertent text. Would you mind if I gave you a quick call tonight? I’d feel better clearing the air so tomorrow is all about us.”

Her reply stunned me with its calmness:

“no need to call~ I look forward to meeting you tomorrow~ these things happen and I appreciate your openness. 😁😉”

Still, being an INTJ, I felt compelled to explain. I followed up, clarifying that the two women in my text were my ex-wife (who was having a difficult time) and another woman I’d met online but decided not to pursue.

Fiona’s response? Short, breezy, quintessential “P”:

“All good. See you tomorrow.”

I couldn’t help but think: if it had been Corinne or Tammy (INFJs), they would have freaked out. Fiona just let it slide.

Coffee date

But then came the coffee. Fiona showed up in dark glasses — and refused to take them off. It was odd, unsettling even. When I asked, she said no. So there we sat, two people face-to-face, except I couldn’t really see her face.

At one point she described herself as an “evolving woman.” When I asked what she meant, she struggled to give specifics. Only after I pressed her did she offer an example:

She had urged her sister to get a RealID quickly so she could attend a carefully planned family gathering. In hindsight, Fiona regretted pushing so hard. She said she didn’t want to be “that person.”

From my perspective, though, she’d been right. Her sister had been careless, and Fiona had acted responsibly. But Fiona saw her own decisiveness as a flaw. That, too, was pure INFP — self-critical about conflict, erring on the side of gentleness even when firmness was justified.

At the end of the date, I offered to walk her to her car — something no woman had ever refused. Fiona did. Another first.

Two days later, she sent me this:

“Thank you for taking time to get together for coffee, Alan. I did not feel that we are a good match but enjoyed getting to meet you. Warmly.”

And that was that.

Signals and Clues from Fiona’s Behavior

Fiona’s dating profile only contained two sentences — almost no information at all. But her behavior on and around our first date revealed far more. These are the signals and clues that emerged:

She stayed calm and forgiving after receiving the wrong text — revealed INFP laid-back, accepting nature.
She brushed off my follow-up explanation — revealed preference for keeping things light rather than dwelling on details.
She arrived wearing dark glasses and refused to remove them — revealed guardedness or discomfort with full openness.
She described herself as an “evolving woman” — revealed strong self-focus on growth and change, but vague in execution.
Her RealID story — revealed conflict-avoidance, reframing responsible behavior as a personal flaw.
She refused my offer to walk her to her car — revealed unusual independence or resistance to traditional gestures of care.
She closed with a warm but decisive text — revealed kindness in tone but firm clarity that she was not interested.

Myers-Briggs Deep Dive: INTJ × INFP

At first glance, INTJ and INFP look like they should be natural allies: both are introverted, intuitive, and focused on depth. They share a love of meaning and dislike for shallow small talk. That’s why the attraction can be strong.

But the key difference is Judging vs. Perceiving.

• INTJs crave structure, decisiveness, and forward planning.
• INFPs value openness, options, and going with the flow.

Where INTJs see clarity, INFPs often see rigidity. Where INFPs see flexibility, INTJs often see indecision.

This tension can create both fascination and frustration. The INTJ admires the INFP’s tenderness, creativity, and live-and-let-live nature. The INFP admires the INTJ’s strength, clarity, and vision. But day-to-day, the INTJ may feel the INFP is too passive or hesitant, while the INFP may feel the INTJ is too controlling or dismissive of feelings.

Compatibility Snapshot: INTJ × INFP

Strengths

Shared depth and introspection — neither is satisfied with the superficial
Strong appreciation for ideals, authenticity, and meaning
Complementary balance: INTJ brings direction, INFP brings gentleness
Natural empathy from INFP softens the INTJ’s edges

Challenges

INTJ wants closure and decision; INFP prefers to keep options open
INFP may interpret INTJ’s bluntness as coldness
INTJ may interpret INFP’s adaptability as indecision
Conflict styles clash: INTJ pushes for resolution, INFP avoids it
Risk of disappointment if both withdraw instead of bridging the gap

Bottom line

INTJ × INFP can begin with great promise — a meeting of minds and shared depth. But sustaining it requires patience. The INTJ must soften their drive for efficiency; the INFP must summon clarity when it counts.

Without that, the relationship drifts apart: one partner frustrated, the other quietly retreating.

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