Tammy: See what happens when your match is truly magnetic

“Now I know what it feels like to be adored,” Tammy said.

I was attracted to Tammy because our physical relationship was unlike any I had ever experienced: I was drawn to her like a magnet. I craved the touch of her hand.

I’m not merely being poetic. The touch of her hand was profound. We spent hours every day just holding hands. Just holding hands. And she reached for my hand as often as I reached for hers.

She felt like my perfect match: her INFJ with my INTJ. She and I shared the same dominant cognitive function  —  Introverted Intuition (Ni). That common ground gave us an instant sense of recognition, as if we were two minds running on the same operating system, vs. a Mac trying to talk to a PC.

We spoke the same unspoken language of connections, patterns and meaning.

Conversations weren’t about small talk or logistics — they were about life, vision, and the future. Her emotional depth (the “F” in INFJ) wrapped my strategic, logical thinking (the “T” in INTJ) with warmth. And her Judging (the “J” in INFJ and INTJ) preference gave her structure that matched my own need for order and decisiveness.

For a while, Tammy and I were inseparable. We spent virtually every day and night together. I even learned to cook because she was spending so much time at my place over two years. And I became quite proficient! She said “I’ll eat anything you make.” Check out these photos.

What I admired most about Tammy wasn’t her warmth or insight — it was her courage. She had endured losses that would have broken most people, yet she never stopped trying to love again. She kept showing up, even when the past whispered that it was safer not to. Her courage wasn’t loud; it was resolute, daily, determined.

But there’s more to a relationship than attraction. There’s also compatibility for the long haul and there are some things that are outside the MBTI framework that impact relationships. Let me explain:

Everyone has an MBTI. And every MBTI has its strengths and weakness — no particular MBTI is better or worse than any other — they’re merely different.

But even when MBTIs are in alignment — as I was with Tammy — there is another dimension to relationships: history.

Like MBTI, everyone has a history. Both Tammy and I had histories that were not in alignment. This misalignment was ever-present: It was like a third person in our relationship. As Bruce Springsteen describes in Tunnel of Love, “It’s just the three of us: you, me and all the stuff we’re so scared of.” So our relationship had to end.

But having experienced the passion I shared with Tammy, an INFJ, I tried to find it with another INFJ. Which I did with Corinne. And I met Corinne because I transformed my profile to attract an INFJ by emphasizing the values that are important to an INFJ: connections, patterns, and meaning. See an overview of other types, and what matters to them.

Takeaway: Determine which type or types feel magnetic to you and your type — as I did with my INTJ drawn to Tammy and Corinne’s INFJ — then transform your profile to appeal to that type, by learning what matters most to that type. I explain how to do that here.